This is Getting Hairy

November 19, 2013

By Lila Wallrich

We are now in the middle of November. November with a capital N, and that rhymes with M, and that stands for Moustache!

Or as many people are calling it lately, Movember. No, it’s not a speech impediment, silly, it’s a men’s health awareness campaign!

Why moustaches? It’s kind of a man thing. I mean, I don’t want to get all sexist on you, and I know I’m going to get tons of hate mail for this, but I’m just gonna put it out there: men are better than women at growing moustaches. Come on, you know it’s true. Yes, some women are very good at growing moustaches. With the right mix of hormones and/or ethnic backgrounds, some women grow wonderfully luxuriant moustaches. But I digress.

Here at the office, everyone’s getting into the follicular act. At this very moment, all the men’s whiskers are growing at a rate of roughly 100 angstroms per second—or 10 nanometers per second for the metric fans out there. (Bonus trivia fact: this very short distance is also known as “beard-second,” but in honor of Movember, I’m calling it a “moustache-second”!)

This moustache movement is noticeably more dramatic on the guys who started from a clean lip on Movember first. You can really see those whiskers flying! I myself started with a moustache, and I saw no reason to shave it off just to grow it back. I’m supporting Movember by maximizing my existing ‘stache from the get go. I’m lucky that I have an office. If I close the door and be very quiet, I can hear the whiskers reaching out like bamboo swaying in the breeze.

Now remember, this is not just about the facial hair. It’s about prostate cancer, I think. And testicular cancer. Yes, let’s throw that in, too. But mostly prostate cancer. So think about that every time you see lip stubble. Fixate on it. See a moustache and think to yourself, “Remember: prostate cancer, and also the testicular.” Consider donating to research to stop it. And if you’re a man, live a clean life, get screened at prescribed intervals and stay in school!

And now, let’s take a look at where things stand on Day 14 of the Wallrich Moustache Growing Contest.

In the left corner with the Fiendish Fu Manchu, it’s Account Executive Brian Young! And, in the right corner, with the Dirty Motorcycle Cop, it’s Production Manager Joe Carmon!

Looking very sporty, gentlemen! At the end of Movember, the contestants will be awarded points based on bushiness, style, poise, stage presence, and of course, length. Tune in next time to see who’s going to be crowned Mr. Movember 2013.

This is Getting Hairy

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